Pirates

      Ok, I watched this once through and then re-watched it for the review. It's that good. Now on another note, this movie is not really about the sex, it about a story, so all the sex scenes are short. I'll hit on more in the final thoughts, but so you know there's no sex scene ratings in this review. Just a cast list in the scene, list of themes in the scene and a quick rundown of what happens in the scene.

Opening up the movie we see Kris and Carmen talking where we find out they are newlyweds. After professing is eternal commitment to her, she allows him to see her body for the first time. So taking the moment by the horns, they fuck.

      While Carmen and Kris are relishing their new love Janine and Tommy, the two main bad guys in the movie, board the ship Carmen and Kris are one, who are completely oblivious to them doing so. Tommy gives the order to catch up the crew on the ship and get them on deck. Seems he's looking for Kris, but he's not sure who he is or what he looks like so he asks him to come forward. With no volunteers he pushes Carmen off the edge, which brings him to the front. Tommy then has Kris moves to his ship and then sinks the board Carmen and Kris were on.

Catching up with Even, an aspiring pirate hunter, he gives us a monolog about his journey and his first mate Jesse. And what a fine first mate she is, she keeps the "spirits" of the other members on the ship "high"...

      After a monolog about how the ships supplies are low we see Jesse meeting up with Even below deck. It seems his confidence in being a pirate hunter is all a front for the rest of his crew, so Jesse uses her spirit skills and raises his, giving him a pep talk. Then all of a sudden they hear someone shout out there's a body in the water so they go up to look - it's Carmen. Getting her onboard, all dry and cozy, she tells Even and Jesse of what happened to her and the Jesse vow to help her find Carmen's other half - even if it means going through the most vile pirate known - Tommy. Not comfortable at all with this so he pulls Jesse up to the deck for a little 1 on 1, but again she spike's Evan's confidence up and he's ready to take on the world, starting with Tommy.

The next day Even fills the crew in on the danger of their new mission, and with a little coaxing they all agree to help catch the dreaded pirate with him. So heading off, they go directly to the center of the pirates world, an island where they are known to frequent.

Back with Tommy we see him shipping Janine off to find this Indian who can help him. She starts by looking in a tavern, where she's met with some resistance to her cause, but after killing a man she finds some one to help her for a small price - Steven tells here where the Indian resides for some gold.

      Getting back to Jesse and Steven, we see the two in the midst of some makeup and forget sex!

      Lying on the floor, Jesse and Steven talk and Steven tells her about Janine being in the bar earlier, and after Steven fucks up the moment, Jesse runs off. Just then we see Even getting sober and just before he's ready to walk out the door he's met by a rather obsessed Austyn. She tries desperately to get him to take her with him but he feels it's just too dangerous, so he promises he'll be back for her.

After we see Carmen get abducted again, we see Tommy with the Indian he found. He makes him perform some kind of ritual or something on Kris, in which case Tommy's shown some sort of island that he's been looking for. Fortunately Kris isn't killed in the act so they take him back on the ship and disembark for the island they are in hunt for.

Finally Even and Jesse meet up in the streets in an accidental fashion and begins to exchange their info on Tommy, but before they can get unloaded Steven shows up. Seems he's pissed Jesse left him again, so this time he's going to kill both her and Even! Getting back over to Carmen we see her tied up in a chair and surrounded buy a bunch of seamen. Jenaveve kind of pops out of nowhere and begins screwing with her, leading her on to some kind of performance, but Carmen wasn't having any of it. She was pisssed and trying to get loose. With no success, Jenaveve opens up Carmen's blouse to expose her tits and then heads south...

      Steven ties Jesse and Even up in a house and then sets it on fire, but before the fire can get too big Austyn shows up to save them, however she won't save Jesse unless Even shows he truly loves her... So he does what he has to do in order to prove it.

      Catching back up with Carmen we see why she was abducted, seems Jenaveve is a performer and was hired to do a show with another girl. However that girl didn't show so she was selected. Both the seamen and Jenaveve are pleased with her performance so after a few compliments they decide to show Carmen there are no hard feelings - giving her all the potassium nitrate (black powder) she wants (it's for the ship, it was one of the supplies they needed and were out of). So anyway, once Jesse and Even are lose, they decide to tie up the Looney (Austyn) for safe keeping and then quickly head back to the ship.

Getting back to Tommy and his boat, he questions Janine's cruelty, so she takes a knife to his throat and questions his manhood. So undoing her pants she forces him down to her pussy, making him eat it.

      Carmen and Jesse then have a little heart to heart as Carmen says even if they get her husband back alive, he isn't going to love her because she was unfaithful. She then goes on to tell Jesse of the ordeal with Jenaveve, but Jesse assures Carmen that her feelings weren't bad, after all she herself has even been with other girls before. Jesse also brings up a good point, what guy doesn't like lesbians? Anyways Carmen sees an opening and asks Jesse if she can "feel it again" with her, but Jesse isn't so sure, however with a little coaxing Jesse caves in...

      Finally Tommy and Even both reach the island, but Tommy gets there first. He uses Kris for what he needs and then Even jumps in to foil his plans, taking Janine as a hostage. Well Tommy got wanted and afterwards he tells Even to do what he wants with her but before dashing off Tommy uses the new powers he has to raise some skeletons from the dead to fight Even, Janine, Jesse and Carmen! All four of them narrowly escape back to the boat and immediately head to cut off Tommy... Warning: **Spoiler**

Catching up with Tommy, the two ships begin battle but Woo, the on-board explosions expert, comes up with a way to sink Tommy's ship and in one shot he kills Tommy and sinks the ship. Once all is good and calm again, Carmen confesses her sins to Kris, telling she had extra marital affairs with women and liked it - and so did he!

      Finally the two "bad asses" of the scene get to talking as we see Jesse walking in on an obviously disgruntled Janine. Seems she really loved Tommy and wasn't taking him leaving her behind so well. So with everything on the table the two start to go at it...