Texas' Asshole Massacre
(2005)
Posted: October 29, 2005
Run time: 138 Min (2 hr 18 min)
Reaction: Very Good
Please consider supporting the site by clicking our partner banners.
If you don't see them, you may have an ad-blocker
Summary:
This one gets an 8.10. I wasn't quite sure to expect from this as I have never seen Ivan's work, and the fact it was taking
the name of one of my favorite horror movies of all time, and twisting it a little I was an idea I wasn't sure I was
comfortable with. Well I was pleasantly surprised with this one. Not only was the sex pretty good, but the flick itself was
damn funny and entertaining. I honestly don't think
ANYONE could have filled Kami's spot like she did here. Lots of
dialog, saying lots of funny shit with a straight face, and adding a few good fucks to the flick for good measure helped too
.
Now speaking of funny, Isabel's scene literally put me in tears! the interaction between these two was
GREAT!
I think a lot of Isabel and I like Dirty Harry, both as a performer and as an actor, and these two did an absolute wonderful
job playing their roles in their scene. Now I read some other reviews on this title and I just didn't see the goodness in
the Kat scene, in fact I thought it was the weakest on the bunch, it just came off as a bit stale to me. Although this loosely
qualifies as a feature, this is still a flick that rain-coaters/Gonzo lovers will enjoy as there's lots of hardcore,
in-your-face sex. If you're a fan of the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", check out "Texas' Asshole Massacre", it's a great parody
and worth the cash. Hell it's worth a rental at the very minimum. Good work Ivan, I look forward to "Dawn of The Head"!
Extras:
The extras here were really good, there was only 26 minutes of behind the scene, but damn they were funny and a good insight
of what went on during the movie. There were a few minutes of photos in the BTS footage, but with the FF button you can get
past them. In addition to the BTS, there were some trailers, a real photo gallery and a cumshot recap. Easy score for the
extras here, +.50.
Details:
Scene 1
The movie kicks off in a great fashion with Kami (billed as Salome here) doing a bit of a commercial for her company - HOS
(Hollywood Official Starlet)! Seems her company takes in "porn sluts" and turns them into real starlets. This was great,
Kami played it well and the accent was funny too!
After that we see Kat and Gia in a car as Alias drives to Kami's place (the agency). Along the way Kat explains how she got
into directing and Gia talks of her aspirations to be a real "actress". Anyway, then eventually wind up at the place
and Kat heads on inside as Gia stays back... As Kat wonders around inside, she eventually winds up finding Kris playing the
banjo - LMAO! They converse and he reveals he's a "real" director, then offers her a change to be in one of his
movies! He takes her camera and has her show off her body, as it requires nudity of course, then soon the scene develops.
Kat is a cute girl with short brown hair and natural A cup tits. After
getting Kris out of his over-alls, she begins blowing him for a bit and then we cut to him fucking her missionary. Rolling up
into doggy the action continues while we get some nice shots, and soon afterwards Kris slips his dick into her ass to get the
anal going; again some nice shots. Cutting away we watch Kat a she rides in cowgirl and in reverse cowgirl, taking anal in
both positions before she gets off and takes an open mouth facial that she swallows down to end the sex. This was an OK scene,
it just felt lacking over all, on the performers end.
Scene 2
Kris rushes off and makes a "phone call", and at which point we then We then see Gia getting caught sucking the driver's dick.
Kami drags her inside, chastising her along the way about how unprofessional that sort of stuff is! Once inside Kami wonders
off and Gia finding some interesting photos of Kami and baby, then finally see who Kris was calling - Dirty Harry, one fucked
up Vietnam Vet! He creeps around, trying to find who in the hell ate his chili! After some recon he finds Isabel licking her
fingers with a bit of delight. She tries to explain but it doesn't quite work... Seems the war in 'Nam fucked Harry up a bit
and he's convinced she's a "Gook" here to kill him! The dialog between the two is pretty damn funny, although it was a bit
racist. Well Harry finally decides on a punishment for Isabel, dunking his cock in some chili and forcing her to eat it..
Isabel is a sexy looking girl with medium length brown hair and natural C
cup tits. After she gets the food of his dick, Harry fucks her mouth for a little bit, spitting in her face has he does.
Harry then makes her sit down and he sees her clit piercing and his delusions continues, insisting she's hidden razor blades
in her pussy! Both of them do some checking, ensuring she's "clean", then she stands up and he fucks her in standing doggy
while we get some OK shots. Again the delusions prevail and Harry has to check her mouth for acid before he fucks her ass in
reverse cowgirl. Up to this point there's a bit of funny banter back and forth about her being a "Gook" and all, then all of
a sudden the two get into the action. Un-mounting, Isabel does some ATM action and then we cut to her in doggy where the anal
action continues before we cut to her in spoon, taking more anal. Finally the scene winds down as Isabel gets her asshole
fucked and gaped in a pile driver, along with also doing some ATM action, then takes an open mouth facial which she swallows
down. This was a good scene, both Isabel and Harry play this scene to a T! The sex was pretty hot and the interaction was
fuckin' hilarious!
Scene 3
After cumming, Harry breaks down and begins crying as he realizes she's NOT what he thought she was, then we catch back up
with Kami who's cooking up a fresh batch of chili! As she cooks she bitches about being the only one who does anything and
about being the only "pro" in the company, and all the while Alias is tied up at the kitchen table and listening to her go
off. She goes a bit further, telling him how fucked up it is for him to be having the HOS suck his dick, especially when
she needs love too!
Kami is a good-looking girl with long black hair and fake D cup tits.
Hopping up on the counter she starts playing with her pussy and then finds a toy to try to appease her pussy. it doesn't work
out so well so she tells him, "You can take care of me for a change" and then heads over to him. She shoves her tits in his
face and then unties him so she can properly suck and deep throat his cock, doing some nice no-hands action and tit fucking
as she does. Standing up, she bends over the table so he can fuck her, but he wastes no time with her pussy and heads right
for her ass. We get some pretty nice shots of the action, as well as some gapes and ATM action, then Alias takes a seat so
she can continue to take the dick up her ass in reverse cowgirl. Again we get some nice shots, gapes and ATM, then we
eventually cut to Kami lying on the table in missionary, still taking it up the butt, however her we get some of the best
shot of the action in the scene! Moving on there was some pile driver anal, and then some more standing doggy anal before
Alias was ready to cum, doing so in a bowl of chili.... Quickly she grabs a spoon and devours the cum glazed chili. This
was a pretty solid scene, nothing great from Kami or Alias, but solid none the less. Kami's comments throughout the scene were
pretty damn funny though.
Scene 4
At that point we catch up with a new HOS, Kelly. She finds a room full of camera equipment and lighting, then after a bit of
snooping around she finds a cook book - THE cook book for the chili! Being a bit dumbfounded she knocks over a camera, which
alerts Sascha. He comes in telling her that was his favorite camera, but as to not let him know what she's found, she swoops
down to his crotch...
Kelly is an attractive girl with medium length blonde hair and natural B cup
tits. After pulling his cock out she sucks and deep throat it, then moving things on we cut to him pushing it into her ass,
quickly giving us some gapes while we get some nice shots. Sitting up she does some ATM action and then we cut to her up in
reverse cowgirl anal, choking herself as she rides, and again we get some more gaping action. Cutting away, the next position
that's hit is missionary where she continues the anal and gaping, which were the best ones of the scene in my opinion, and
Sascha adds some choking to the mix as well, then on to cowgirl anal. Finally we end up with some pile driver anal action
before finishing up the scene back in doggy, taking it up the ass of course, and finally taking an open mouth facial that
she gargles and pushes out onto her tits. This was a good scene, nice energy from both. The gapes here were really nice.
Scene 5
Sascha heads off and then shadows ensue as something goes down before we catch up to out lead-character, Kami, as she chastises
and cleans up "baby". This was some pretty funny dialog here form Kami, then we see Gia sleeping as Kami wakes her up in a
rather abrupt manner! She tells Gia she's going to teach her to use more than her ass to make a living, then she takes her
over to Sascha who lying on a bed.
Gia is a sexy looking girl with medium length blonde hair and natural C
cup tits. Kami starts off forcing Gia to suck Sascha's cock, then Gia tries to ride him in reverse cowgirl, but she just can't
get over Sascha's size! So getting on Kami hops up and shows her how to do, riding him in cowgirl while Gia sits on his
face. Gia feels she understands how to do it so she slides down and takes her turn riding in cowgirl too with Kami licking
her asshole as she rides, then we cut to Kami taking another ride, but this time in reverse cowgirl with Gia doing the PTOGM
action. Sascha moves back over to Gia, fucking her on her side/back while Kami sits on her face. We get some pussy gapes from
Gia and then we cut to Kami in doggy, basically teasing Gia, taking Sascha up her ass. She shows us some nice gapes and Gia
also adds her 2 cents, licking Sascha's ass, licking Kami's gaping asshole and doing the ATOGM action. Kami then moves down
into a pile driver where Gia rims her some more before Sascha comes in to fucks her ass, and soon the scene comes to a close
as he cums in Gia's mouth. Kami gets a few stragglers, but Gia is a caring HOS, and swaps the cum over to Kami who pushes it
out of her mouth. This was a good scene, it was funny to watch Gia act as she did here - LOL, Gia Paloma not being able to
take a cock; ya right!! Honestly I don't know if there would have been a better performer cast here for Gia's part.
Now for the ending of the movie, well it's a dead give away as if you have seen the trailer
(
here), you know the end of the movie.
However I would like to know who was driving that car...
.
Please consider supporting the site by clicking our partner banners.
If you don't see them, you may have an ad-blocker